


Bestseller

by yaboykatsudon



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confident Katsuki Yuuri, Day 6: Reincarnation AU, Fate & Destiny, Historical Inaccuracy, I wasn't sure if past life death counts as major character death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Victuuri Week 2017, World War II references, Yuuri is not a skater in this, background seungchuchu, but it's tagged just in case, mentioned/implied shovel talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9664556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaboykatsudon/pseuds/yaboykatsudon
Summary: Reincarnation AU. Bestselling author Yuuri Katsuki often gets asked where his source of inspiration for his novel series comes from. Yuuri always puts on his best smile and gives the generic answer. However, his minds wanders back to the old journal sitting on his desk, and the dreams of a familiar blue eyed stranger.(Victuuri Week 2017 Day 6: Reincarnation AU)





	1. When We're Ready

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written Reincarnation AU before but I am a sucker for the trope. 
> 
> Heads up: there is historical inaccuracies for the sake of this fic.
> 
> After the Russo-Japanese War in the early 20th century and several Soviet-Japanese border incidents, both the USSR and Japan agreed to a neutrality pact in 1941. However once Germany surrendered on May 1945, the USSR had until August 9, 1945 to declare war on Japan per an agreement made between Stalin and other Allied nations at the Yalta Conference. This led to the Soviet invasion of Manchuria, which was still under Japanese control, on August 9 1945. For the purposes of this fic, there were some soviet troops roaming Manchuria before the invasion. 
> 
> This also gets somewhat dramatic so I'm sorry for that lol. This also unbeta'd. Hope you enjoy!

_‘Hisashi stood by the doorframe of the rickety cottage, his eyes boring holes into the intimidating frame of the Soviet soldier. Even in the dim light of dawn, Hisashi could still make out the iridescent blue of Ivan’s eyes, the same blue eyes that followed Hisashi’s thoughts and dreams ever since the day he found him in the forest all those months ago. Those same eyes that shined with life and love, despite the death and hatred that seemed to surround them these days. Those same eyes that he had grown used to waking up to each morning, filled with love and affection just for him. Those same eyes that are now staring back at him with sadness and regret. Hisashi’s gut wrenched, something was wrong._

_They stood in a silent standoff, until Ivan sighed, “I had hoped that you would stay asleep.”_

_“Where are you going? Why do you have all your things?” Hisashi could feel the familiar warmth in his eyes, and he fought hard to keep his tears from spilling. His mind raced at a million thoughts per second, all of them screaming at the man of the obvious, but his heart rejected adamantly._

_Ivan’s lips curved into a small smile, “My infantry made their way back into the area, I’m planning on joining back up with them.”_

\----------- 

Yuuri sighed and looked back up from his laptop, “So, what do you think so far?”

Phichit gripped the throw pillow and tried to muffle out the loud groan of exasperation, “Yuuri~, you lied to me! You said Ivan would stay on the farm with Hisashi!”

Yuuri laughed, “Well, I can't tell you everything!”

Phichit huffed, “As your manager, I take offense to that good sir.” Yuuri chuckled as he watched his manager babble on about the small passage. Don’t get him wrong, Yuuri and Phichit were very close. Ever since they both accidentally gave each other the flu freshman year, Yuuri knew it was meant to be. He owed Phichit a lot, even if Phichit didn't want to accept it. Hell, if it wasn't for him, Yuuri wouldn't have even dreamed of turning his journal ramblings into a full blown manuscript. He still remembers the day when Phichit called him to tell him his manuscript got picked up and how excited he felt. He wanted to jump and yell for joy, but he figured it would be kind of inappropriate inside a Metro train in the middle of rush hour.

Yuuri had figured the book would sell a modest amount of copies. Historical romances was not what a typical reader would call a hot read these days, on top of the fact that he was a virtual unknown among authors at the time. Much to everyone’s surprise, the book became an overnight hit. The book was thrown into the national spotlight, and Yuuri suddenly found himself doing interviews and book signings. Yuuri was not one to want to be the center of attention, and Phichit was a Godsend whenever interviews began to be overwhelming. Having your best friend become your PR manager did have its perks.

Phichit sighed, “I just can’t believe you're ending the series so soon. Celestino said you have enough material for another two books at least!”

“I talked to him about this already. This is the way I want the story to end, and I won’t have it any other way.” Yuuri eyes glanced over to the worn out leather journal sitting innocently over a stack of papers, “There’s a specific vision I have in mind.”

“You writers are a weird bunch, but you're my best friend so I guess I’m stuck with you,” Phichit laughed. “So how much of the draft do you have finished?”

Yuuri turned back to his laptop screen and scrolled through the word document, “Well with this done, I should have the draft finished by this weekend,” he muttered.

Phichit perked up from his spot on the couch, “This weekend? Wow Yuuri, you’re way ahead of schedule. At this rate, you might even get to release the book a month early! I’ll call Ciao Ciao first thing tomorrow morning to tell him about all this.”

“Thanks Phichit. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Yuuri smiled.

“What are best friends for anyway? Well, I gotta get going. Twitter is going to love this bit of news!”

Yuuri stood up from his desk and walked his friend over to his door, “Remember our deal about not leaking out passages.”

“I know, I know. I won’t leak anything again, I swear,” They both exchanged their quick goodbyes and Yuuri watched Phichit walk down the hall of his apartment building. Before Phichit rounded the corner, he spun back around, “It just sucks, I really thought they were going to stay together!”

Yuuri gave Phichit a final wave, “Yeah,”

_I thought we would too._

* * *

 

_“Hisashi, look at me.” Ivan gripped the small man’s shoulder, his blue eyes raging with desperation. Hisashi felt the tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't want Ivan to see him like this. Reluctantly, he looked back to Ivan dead in the eyes._

  _“You need to understand that I have to do this. The fighting is starting to come here, and I need to protect you and your family no matter-”_

  _Hisashi’s body wracked with a sob, “Then stay here! You don't need to go out to the front lines to protect me! You can stay here at the farm, and I'll protect you too!” His arms enveloped Ivan into a bone crushing hold and Ivan’s immediately wrapped around Hisashi’s shaking body. The world around them faded to a blur until it was just the two of them in focus._

  _‘There isn't anything I would give to stay here with you,’ Ivan breathed, ‘but if they found out that your family was hiding me all this time, about us…’ He held Hisashi a bit tighter._

  _‘You taught me so much about life and love, I didn’t even have the slightest meaning of it until I met you. It’s like I’ve been living my life in the dark, then you came along, and the light shone.’ He pulled away from the embrace and his hands cradled the sides of Hisashi’s face, ‘I love you, do you understand? I love you, Hisashi Abe.  I love the kindness you and your family have showed me. I love the way you push your hair out of your eyes when you eat. I love the little wrinkle that shows up in the corner of your eyes when you laugh that horribly perfect laugh of yours. I love the way your eyes light up whenever you smile. I love how your body fits so perfectly in my arms. I love the way my name sounds with your voice. I just..I just  fucking love you Hisashi.’ The tears Ivan had been fighting so hard to not let fall were flowing freely down his cheeks, and Hisashi slowly raised his hand to his face._

  _‘I love you too Ivan,’ Hisashi’s thumb slowly wiped the wet trail away, and Ivan’s hand settled on top his._

_‘We will see each other again. Be it this lifetime or the next, I will find you again, and we will have the happiness we deserve. I swear to you.’_

 -------------------------

Yuuri looked back up from his smartphone to the reporter currently sitting across the small cafe table. The reporter hastily stopped the audio recorder next to her and quickly wiped her eyes, “Oh my God. Putting the interview aside for a moment, but I'm a huge fan of the series,” She laughed and gave a small smile, “I'm just really excited for the last book.”

Yuuri chuckled and took a sip out of his coffee cup, “Thank you very much, that means a lot.”

The reporter smiled and cleared her throat, “Now that I’ve calm down a bit, back to the interview.” She promptly switched the recorder on and picked up her pen and notebook.

“Again, congratulations with the success of the series. It’s truly amazing to see a book that was expected to be a modest sell become this force to be reckoned with overnight.”

“Thank you, I still can’t believe it myself either at times.” Yuuri replied.

“Not many authors choose historical romances as their debut genre. What made you decide to pursue it?” She asked.

“Yeah it isn’t a genre most new authors lean towards. After my publishing company accepted the manuscript, the editor at the time tried to talk me into changing the time period. He was concerned that the setting might turn off new readers.”

The reporter scratched a few notes into her notebook, “And obviously you refused to.”

Yuuri laughed, “Yeah, I gave my editor a hard time about it. I understood where he was coming from, the entire concept was huge risk for the publishers. However, I wanted tell Hisashi and Ivan’s story the way I wanted to, and changing the setting wouldn't have done them justice.”

“And the fanbase thanks you for sticking to your guns,” The reporter laughs. “Many are amazed at the realism of the novel, from the setting to even the main characters. Are the characters based off real life people?”

There it was. Yuuri steadied himself and smiled, “Aside from some research, no. None of the characters are based off of real life people.” Underneath the table, Yuuri gripped his thigh.

“Really? That’s honestly amazing!” The reporter gushed as she scribbled down some more notes. “Well, with the end of the series coming around the corner, a lot of fans still have one unanswered question.”

“And I think I know what that is,” Yuuri said.

“Possibly.” The reporter started. “Since the second book, both Ivan and Hisashi have a phrase that they say to each other, but it’s never explicitly said. Will we finally get to know the phrase in the last book?”

“I think I’m allowed to say this without my lawyers hounding me about it later, but no. The phrase will remain a secret.” Yuuri took a sip from his coffee cup and couldn’t help to let out a laugh as the woman dramatically slouched down her seat.

The reporter groaned playfully, “You’re too cruel Mr Katsuki! What’s your reasoning behind the decision.”

“I know the phrase what the phrase is, and I have thought of including it in the last book. However, I wanted the phrase to be up to interpretation to the readers. It isn’t fun if I just tell you guys everything,” Yuuri smirked.

The reporter nodded and looked back down to her notes, “The most common theory surrounding the phrase is that it’s ‘Stay with me.’ How close is that theory?”

Yuuri shrugged, “Hey if that’s the theory, then sure. But I’ll still stay silent on the actual phrase.”  

“You just keep torturing your fans, Mr. Katsuki. And so finally, there’s been rumors going around that Netflix has approached you to adapt the series. Is there anything you want to say about that” The reporter smirked and her eyes stayed fixed onto Yuuri for some sort of answer.

Yuuri laughed, “Not anything that will get me chewed out by the legal team later.”

* * *

 

_“Traitors!”_

  _Hisashi and his family watched in horror as soldiers began to throw torches onto their defenseless cottage. The soft rain did nothing to the fire, and soon their home was engulfed in angry flames._

  _“Sir, please,” Hisashi’s father pleaded, “We’re just a simple farming family. We’ve done nothing to offend-” He was cut off by a swift rifle butt hit to his abdomen and he stumbled down to the wet mud. Hisashi’s mother and sister quickly scrambled over to his father’s side, and Hisashi stood in between them and the military officer._

  _The military officer scoffed and narrowed his dark eyes, ‘If there’s anything more disgusting than traitors, it would be liars.’_

  _‘What do you want with us?’ Hisashi demanded._

  _The officer laughed, ‘Feigning innocence won’t help you, lad. A townsperson reported seeing a Soviet soldier around the area lately.’_

  _Hisashi’s stomach dropped and any of his newfound bravery suddenly vanished into the Earth. ‘He claims that the Soviet has been staying on your farm. So, where is he?’ Hisashi turned back to his family and they all exchanged worried glances, a silent conversation roaring between them._

  _The officer growled, ‘Where is the soldier?!’ The silence between them was painfully long, and Hisashi was almost grateful for the rain’s soft pattering that filled the empty space. Finally, the officer’s eyes narrowed, ‘All of you turn and get on your knees.’ Not wanting to anger the officer more, they stumbled through the man’s orders, none of them realizing their situation until the loud sounds of rifles being cocked rang in their ears._

  _“Officer! Please!” Hisashi’s mother cried. ‘We have no idea where the soldier went!’_

 ' _Why do liars feel the need to lie even more, I wonder? Soldiers! Take aim!’_

  _‘Stop!’ Hisashi screamed. He turned around and faced the officer and the rifles aimed at his family. ‘It’s not them you want, it’s me!’_

  _Hisashi’s mother turned to him, ‘Hisashi, what are you-’_

  _‘If I hear another word from you again, I’ve blast that insolent mouth right off your face!’ The officer barked. He turned back to Hisahi and gave him a short nod to continue._

 " _My family is innocent. They weren’t the ones that wanted to take in the Soviet, it was me. This was all my idea!”_

  _The Officer’s eyes widened, but immediately narrowed to angry slits, “Boy, do you realize that harboring an Allied soldier is a great offense to our Majesty the Emperor?” His voice dripped from his lips like venom, but it nothing to deter Hisashi’s determination._

  _“Yes, but I didn’t care! It didn't matter what side he was on, he needed help that night! And it turned out, we weren’t so different after all. He was kind, and brave, and little dense sometimes, but I loved him all the same! If it weren’t for the war, he’d still be with me right now and you wouldn't have cared!”_

  _A look of disgust contorted the officer's stoic face,“Get on your knees.”_

  _“Hisashi! Please!” Hiashi’s father held back his mother as she watched her only son sink down to the mud._

  _The officer walked up behind Hisashi. “Quiet! Let your son be the example of what happens when you betray your own country.”_

  _Hisashi flinched at the sound of a revolver cocking, and felt the cold metal of the barrel press up against the back of his head. “Any words?”_

  _Hisashi lifted his head and took in his family a final time. The deafening sound of the downpour managed to drown out his family’s cries and pleas to the soldiers. He didn't deserve a family like his. They didn’t deserve to pay for his mistakes, not that Ivan was ever a mistake. Perhaps wherever he goes to next, Ivan would be there waiting for him. A small smile tugged at his lips and he breathed out his words._

_The rain made it impossible for the officer to hear Hisashi’s words, but the movement of his lips was all he needed. The officer stood back and took aim, “_ _Long live His Majesty the Emperor!”_

_\--------------------_

 “Stop!” Yuuri woke with a start, his eyes darting around the darkness of his bedroom. Realizing that he was back in the safety of his room, Yuuri heaved a heavy sigh and flopped back down to his pillow. The green glow of "4:25" from his alarm clock mocked Yuuri as he ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair.  

The nightmares were a normal occurrence for him ever since he was sixteen. But no matter how many times he went through them, they always had the same effect on him.

When he was thirteen, Yuuri began to have strange dreams about a far off countryside and a farm. At the time, he didn’t think much about it. His hometown was not that far away from the country, so he figured he was dreaming about that. As time went on, his dreams began to get more and more detailed. Some nights, it would be dreams of a small mountain creek, and other times it would be dreams of lying in the warm afternoon sun on a grassy hill. They were always pleasant, and left Yuuri with the warmth of happiness when he woke. Eventually, a mysterious man began appearing in the dreams. Yuuri found it strange that he was dressed in military get up, but that didn’t deter his dream self from talking to the stranger. His dream self brought up strange topics to talk about to the stranger, from radio shows to films he never even heard about before. When Yuuri woke in the morning, he bolted over to his journal and began to scribble down all the details before they began to escape his mind, a habit he began to practice after the first couple dreams. He looked through the journal one day, and the back of his mind was screaming something at him but he couldn’t make out what. They were just dreams, he had thought. There was nothing that deep about them.

When his high school history class began to cover World War II, Yuuri’s dreams began to take a turn for the worst. The pleasant afternoons shared with the mysterious soldier were replaced with somber rain storms and strained conversations. It wasn’t uncommon for Yuuri to wake up and feel the freshly dried trail of tears down the side of his face. Despite this, Yuuri still convinced himself that the dreams meant nothing. Maybe his teenage angst was being manifested into his dreams. When he found himself locked in a bathroom stall, riding out the remnants of a panic attack after his history class covered the Pacific Theater, Yuuri began to realize that perhaps his dreams were deeper than he had thought. He began to research the soldier in his dreams, and by going off his uniform's description, the man was a Soviet soldier. Eventually, he learned that all the radio shows and films that he first originally dreamed about were old wartime radio broadcasts and old Hollywood films. He’s never even heard of the titles before, but a part of him felt familiar with it.

He first told his childhood friend Yuuko about the dreams. He went off on a wild tangent about the dreams as she flipped through his exhausted journals. Yuuri knew Yuuko would listen and wouldn’t dismiss him as crazy, which would be last thing he needed. After she finished through the journal and Yuuri finished his long winded rant, she said, “Have you heard of reincarnation?”

Yuuri would spend the following nights looking up every possible article and paper Google could find on reincarnation. Looking through his findings, many people have had the same experiences that Yuuri had been having from fragmented dreams to certain events that would trigger some sort of flashback. He felt some sort of relief that he finally had a name to what he was feeling, and was almost sort of excited before he went to bed. Yuuri wanted to know so much more about his past life as he possibly could, and figure out who the soldier was to him. His dreams began to gradually get happier again, specifically his dreams began to focus on the soldier. They were back to the lazy afternoons under a tree and eventually the dreams faded over to hand holding down a dusty road, soft kisses shared in the forest, and to nights spent holding each other. It didn't take long for Yuuri to realize that the soldier was likely his past life’s lover. And boy was Yuuri slightly jealous of his past life. He never remeber the exact details of the soldier’s face, but his unfairly beautiful blue eyes always stayed branded into his memories.   

 It was his freshman year in college when Yuuri experienced the first nightmare. Yuuri had brushed it off the first night, but they gradually began to get more detailed and recurring. The soldier would always leave the farm and the scene would slowly warp into a group of soldiers burning down the farmhouse. He managed to keep it a secret from Phichit, but when the military officer in his nightmare began to aim guns at him, Yuuri would wake in the middle of the night with terrified yells. Phichit would be there to comfort him afterwards and he never pried Yuuri about his dreams. Nonetheless, he was still worried for his friend. ‘You should talk to counselor in the morning. I'm starting to get really worried here Yuuri,’ Phichit had said one night.

 Yuuri never talked to a counselor. He had figured that trying to explain to counselor that he is in fact the reincarnation of a Japanese farm boy and he is currently having dreams about his past life with his past life’s lover would instead do him more harm than good. Yuuri opted to pour his feelings out into his old journal instead. The little book held the somewhat detailed history of his past life’s history and love. It both amazed and saddened Yuuri at the same time. Perhaps the soldier got reincarnated back into this time period as well. Yuuri tried searching around, but it turned out to be a lot more difficult than he had anticipated. He needed some way to get his message out without making people think he’s crazy. The thought of someone else on this planet sharing the other half of his memories and going through all this alone made Yuuri desperate. So desperate that he accidentally packed his journal into Phichit’s backpack one night thinking it was his own. While Yuuri ransacked his side of the room looking for the journal, his phone began to vibrate with a barrage of text messages.

 

**‘Yuuri! You put your journal in my backpack lol’**

**'Holy shit’**

**‘Yuuri I didn’t know you write! I’m sorry I kinda sneaked a peek on accident’**

**‘This is really good! Yuuri you should write a book!’**

 

Yuuri was in the beginning stages of planning Phichit’s ‘disappearance’, until it dawned on him that his best friend was actually a genius. Making his journal into a book would be a great way to get his message out there. There was a chance that maybe the soldier’s reincarnation might not get it, but the hope fueled Yuuri enough to write the manuscript and send it off to various publishers.

 The waiting was the hardest for Yuuri. After the book was published and with each fan letter he got, Yuuri had hoped that it would be the soldier. At each book signing he went, Yuuri had hoped that he would show up. The soldier’s reincarnation had to be out there somewhere, Yuuri could feel it. There was this phrase that always showed up in his old journal. It was Italian, and it was the last thing he heard in his dreams before he woke. Yuuri often played reporters off by being secretive about the phrase in the book, but he had reason to. The unknown phrase was meant to be a signal for the soldier’s reincarnation had he ever picked up the book. Only one other person in the world would know of it, and if the soldier’s reincarnation dreams were ending in a similar fashion like Yuuri’s, then he would know what the phrase was, and who was behind it. Yuuri understood it was a long shot, but he would’ve tried anything. He just wanted to meet the only person in the world who could understand what he had been going through. To maybe find the happiness both their past lives had longed for decades ago.

 Yuuri stared the ceiling, “Are you ever coming back?” His question fell onto deaf ears and after getting his usual response of silence, he let himself surrender back into the comforting silence.

* * *

 A month had passed since the release of the final book, and it had been a but of a blur for Yuuri. From press releases, to interviews, to even a couple of television appearances, Yuuri was relieved when he got to his personal favorite: the book tour. After spending so much time locked away in his apartment trying to finish the final draft before the deadline, Yuuri definitely needed to hit the open road. Granted it was still considered work, but he enjoyed his time away from New York to check out the other cities and to meet his readers. Yuuri usually chose the cities to go to, but his publisher ended up choosing for him this time around. His first stop was Detroit before he made his out west and back. Detroit wouldn’t have been first on his list, but Yuuri didn’t mind. It was a lovely city from what Celestino had told him.   

 “They’re all here for me?” Yuuri asked as the car began to approach the Barnes & Noble, his eyes widening at the sight of an incredibly long line.

 “Yeah, isn’t it amazing!” Phichit exclaimed. “They told me they had people waiting outside the store since last night!” The car slowly pulled into a parking space inside the parking garage and Phichit turned to Yuuri. “Alright so game plan. Security is gonna take us upstairs to the store, you get to do your author thing, and then we get to the fun part for your hand, book signing! The store manager said you’ll be able to get through everyone since they capped the line earlier this morning so hopefully we’ll be done by noon!”

 Yuuri sighed, “Alright then. Shall we get going?”

“After you, Mr. Best Selling Hot Shot.”

 The event went off without a hitch. Yuuri was able to talk to the lucky one hundred that braved the Detroit winter for a spot in the meet-up, and soon he found himself sitting at a table with a never ending line curving throughout the store before him. He felt the familiar cramp of his hand, but Yuuri was determined to get through every single person in line, even if that meant sticking his hand in a bucket of ice for the rest of the afternoon. A small cough brought Yuuri back to his senses and he jumped.

 “O-Oh! I’m so sorry!” Yuuri sputtered, his eyes not looking up. “Here, let me get that.”

 He took the book from the person’s hands and immediately opened it to the title page. In that moment, Yuuri’s heart dropped down to the ground. Under the title, written in perfectly scripted cursive, was a single sentence.  

 

**_‘Stammi vicino, non te ne andare.’_ **

 

Yuuri’s hand froze, and the world around him faded off into a muffled blur. Distant memories of afternoons spent at a mountain brook, nights spent lying in each other's arms with sweet nothings passing through their lips came crashing down onto Yuuri. The world may had plunged itself into a living hell at the time, but the farm was their personal heaven. A place where there was no war or judgement, just only the two of them and the love they so desperately shared for one another. Yuuri stared at the page for what felt like hours, until he found the courage to look up. Radiant blue eyes met his. The same shade of blue that reminded him the sky on a sunny afternoon. The same shade of blue that had haunted Yuuri’s dreams since his teenage years. The man before him was gorgeous, and his face looked _so painfully familiar._

“And your name?” Yuuri finally breathed.  

“Victor Nikiforov,” The blue eyed man smiled and tucked a stray strand of silver behind his ear, “I’m sorry I took so long.”

 

_We will see each other again. Be it in this lifetime or the next, I will find you again._

 


	2. We'll Leave Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plan was to make the final part around 4k words long. My hands slipped oops. 
> 
> I want thank everyone for the response the first part got (: I'm more of a fluff/non-angsty writer, but I'm happy that people enjoyed my attempt at angst lol. 
> 
> College is still kicking my ass, but I finally got around to finishing the final part. Originally all this was supposed to be a long one-shot for the Victuuri Week thing back in February, but I was already running late on turning it in for the prompt day so I ended it short. There's so much to Victor's side of the story that I wanted to add, I really hope I didn't butcher it with this. 
> 
> Will I kill my own fic with this? lol probs. But let's just pretend this second part doesn't exist if it does, k? Also sorry to any possible New Yorkers reading this, I've never been there and I grabbed everything off a travel guide ^^"
> 
> Unbeta'd. Enjoy!

Yuuri had always wondered how this day would play out. He has had silly daydreams about it before. Yuuri would be sitting in his flat in New York either working or just watching some variety show on TV. Then there would be a knock on the door, and Yuuri would be surprised. He wouldn’t be expecting anyone, but he goes and opens the door anyway. A stranger would be standing in the hallway, but somehow Yuuri felt that he knew him. They would run into each other’s arms, and Yuuri swore he heard some orchestral swell of music playing somewhere in the apartment building. The stranger would pull away from their embrace and open his mouth, but Phichit would always pull Yuuri back down from the clouds before the stranger could say anything.

But Phichit was back at the hotel, and he couldn’t do anything this time.

The man sitting across the small table frowned.  “Are you sure it’s alright meeting here? There is a lot of people.”

His piercing blue eyes searched Yuuri for an answer, and an unfamiliar ache spread through his chest. It took Yuuri a moment to realize what this strange feeling was - he wanted to stare back into those eyes and just touch him to make sure he is real.  He spent a majority of his teenage years dreaming about those eyes and wondering if the man was just some wild, elaborate dream if he was just taking everything out of context about reincarnation. But now having him within an arm’s length away made Yuuri’s heart flutter in a way that he never felt before. Or at least in this lifetime. Just as Yuuri unknowingly began to lift his slightly trembling hand, the man across from him cleared his throat, and he realized the heavy silence that hung between them.

“Don’t worry,” Yuuri started, taking a moment to drop his hand and try to calm his racing heart.  “As long as I don't gel my hair back and I have my glasses on, no one hardly ever recognizes me.” What was he thinking? It had only been hours since the book signing, and aside from a few text messages confirming their meeting place, they knew nothing about each other. And yet at the same time, Yuuri felt that he somehow did.

An expression of embarrassment crossed Yuuri’s face as he grasped his mug. “I’m sorry, I just never thought I’d get this far.”

The man smiled apologetically. “Don’t worry; I feel the same.”

Yuuri smiled, relieved. At least he was also feeling the strange jumble of emotions that Yuuri was experiencing. After taking a sip from his warm tea, Yuuri shrugged. “Well, let’s start over.”

The man nodded and smiled. “My name is Victor Nikiforov, but in a past life I was a Soviet soldier named Aleksander Nikitin.”

“My name Yuuri Katsuki, and in a past life I was a Japanese farmhand named Hisashi Abe.”

Victor laughed lightly. “I hope you haven’t introduced yourself to other people like that?”

Yuuri smirked, “No, but I would win those stupid ice breaker games if I did.”

They broke out laughing, and it managed to calm Yuuri’s nerves down for a bit until the laughter gradually died and another silence sat between them. Victor scratched the back of his head. “I don't know what to say. I’ve dreamed of this moment for years now. I had all these questions that I wanted to ask you, but I can’t think of anything right now.”

Yuuri felt like a weight slid off his shoulders. “Me too! I always wondered what it would be like to finally meet you. I had all these theories of where you could be, and all sorts of questions to ask. But, I’m just speechless.”

“We don’t have to talk about this right now if you don’t want to. I know you might have a lot of questions, but this must be a lot to process.”

Yuuri swiftly shook his head. “No, no I do! It’s just…I...” His eyes lowered down and stared at his warm tea. The only person in the entire world that could understand everything Yuuri had been feeling for the past eleven years was finally here, and he could not even get a proper sentence out from his throat. How did Victor find him? How long was Victor searching for? Did Victor also feel something was missing, even if everything was there?

Did Victor feel lonely, too?

“I knew this entire time about my past life.”

Victor’s words sent a stunning shock through Yuuri’s body, leaving him breathless and speechless. Yuuri looked up from his mug wordlessly, his eyes were wide with disbelief. Taking it as a sign to continue, Victor took a swig of his coffee and leaned back in his chair. “When I was a child, I always insisted my parents call me ‘Sasha.' They thought it was cute and they played along. My mother even joked about changing my name to Aleksander since I was so persistent. When I started waking them up in the middle of the night and telling them that I needed to go to Manchuria and find Hisashi, they began to get concerned.”

“What did you parents do?” asked Yuuri.

“They wanted to help me, but they didn't know who to talk to at first. My mother wanted to send me to a psychiatrist, but she was afraid that'd only get me institutionalized. Then they thought that the priest at the church we used to attend would help, but then they were afraid that he would try to exorcise me instead.”

“So what happened?”

Victor rested his chin on the palm of his hand. “My father was the editor-in-chief for the city’s newspaper, and after a while, he worked up the courage to talk to the head of the investigative journalist unit, Mila Babicheva,  about my situation. There wasn’t much my parents, and I had to do to convince Mila about me, she was completely sold. When she came over to my home, she asked me so many questions, and after the third interview, Mila and my parents came to the conclusion that I needed to find any surviving relatives of Aleksander to make sure this was the real thing. It took a while, but she managed to track down Aleksander’s only living niece, Eva, in his old hometown of Penza. Eva thought it was an elaborate joke at first, even after Mila went over the interview notes with her. Everyone was surprised. I said some very specific things!”

Yuuri narrowed his eyes. “How particular are we talking about?”

Victor straightened up in his seat. “Well, I know that Sasha was killed at gunpoint during a holdup in a market after he returned home.”

Yuuri suddenly remembered his nights waking up in a thin sheet of sweat and wished he hadn’t. A part of him had hoped that Sasha managed to live a long and happy life after everything. “Oh.” Yuuri had not released his grip on his mug. He clutched even tighter to it.

“Before the war broke out, he was attending Public School #52 and was hoping he would get into some university despite his bad marks in Arithmetic. After school, Sasha would hang out with his friends, Mikhail and Roman, down by the river banks.” Victor chuckled, a small smirk crossing his face, “Sometimes when he was feeling rebellious, he would bum a cigarette off Mikhail, Belomorkanal brand.”

His face softened, and Victor sighed, “I told her who Hisashi was. From how we met, what our relationship was, all the way up to when he left.”

“All of this, and she still wouldn’t believe you?” asked Yuuri.

“I don’t blame her.” Victor shrugged. “She thought that Mila was trying to make quick money with Sasha and his story.  If I were in her shoes, I probably would have reacted the same way.”

Yuuri leaned in slightly, “How did you guys meet in the end?”

“Oh, after months of convincing. Eva’s a stubborn woman!” Victor laughed, “She got sick of Mila’s pestering that she finally broke and told her she would go see me. If she did not like what she saw, then she would leave, and Mila would have needed to stop contacting her. Of course, I was very excited! When she walked through the front door of my house, I ran up to her, gave her the biggest hug my little arms could give and said ‘Eva! Look how you’ve grown!’”

“And Mila never told you the relative’s name?” asked Yuuri surprised.

“Not once at all, but I knew who Mila was talking about the entire time. Eva was shocked, and she was somewhat convinced. I still had one final check to go with her, and we all drove to Penza the next day to Sasha’s old home. She didn’t speak a word to me the entire trip there, and once we got there, she took me out back to the yard. I looked back at her and asked if the stone marking his old dog’s grave was still under the tree. And that was all she needed. ”

“Wow.” breathed Yuuri. So, Victor had known his entire life. Yuuri’s constant feeling of something missing throughout his teenage years was bad enough. He couldn’t begin to fathom how that feeling must have felt like for over twenty-eight years.  

Yuuri took a swig of his tea and drew in a deep breath. “I didn’t know until I was a teenager. I started having these recurring dreams, and at first, I didn't pay much attention to them. Then they began to get a lot more detailed and life-like. I started keeping a journal and then eventually I just figured out who I was. And well, here we are.”

A soft smile spread across Victor’s lips, “So you wrote the series to look for me?”

Yuuri nodded, his eyes darting down to his tea and a pink blush dusted his cheeks. “Yeah it’s silly I know, but I didn't have any other option. I kept running into dead ends.”

Victor chuckled and shook his head, “No, I understand. It worked, didn’t it?”

Yuuri grinned and shrugged a little. “Yeah, I guess so.”

The smile on Victor’s face faltered, and his confident gaze wavered.  “Speaking of dead ends, that’s something I wanted to talk about. About Hisashi…”

Yuuri’s stomach dropped to his feet, but how could he be surprised? It was only natural for Victor to want to learn. The weighty silence returned, and Yuuri waited, unsure of what to say and watched the bob of unspoken words in Victor’s throat. He finally took a deep breath and looked at Yuuri hesitantly.

“What happened to him?”

Yuuri closed his eyes briefly, his body stiffening against the chair. “Hisashi Abe was executed for treason by a Japanese military officer.” He said it softly, his voice steady. “I assume that the Imperial government wanted nothing to do with a traitor, so they destroyed any and all records of him.” Yuuri smiled crookedly. “That’s how I was able to use his real name. I couldn’t pull up anything on him. It’s like he never existed.”

“I see,” Victor replied quietly.

Yuuri let out a sound that between a laugh and scoff, “It looks like neither of us pulled the better of the sticks back then.”

“I’ll say.” sighed Victor.

As soon as Victor sighed, Yuuri felt his phone go off in the pocket of his pants. “Hold on,” he muttered as he fished his phone out. His eyes scanned the screen, and he ran a hand through his hair.  “Crap ” Yuuri groaned.

“What is it?” Victor asked.

“It’s my friend, Phichit. Something came up, and they need me back at the hotel. I’m sorry, but I have to go.” Yuuri stood hastily from his chair and began to shrug on his coat.  

Victor followed suit and shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”

“I hate to go on a morbid note,” said Yuuri. His eyebrows furrowed in thought, and his eyes suddenly perked up.  “Where do you live?” Yuuri asked quickly.

Victor blinked at the sudden question but replied slowly, “I live in D.C., but I travel a lot for work.”

Yuuri patted himself down before he pulled a pen out of his coat pocket and grabbed one of the unused napkins on the table. “Well, if you happen to stop by New York,” Yuuri’s pen quickly scratched over a napkin and slipped it over to Victor, “don't bother booking a hotel room.” A bright blush began to blossom over his pale cheeks.

Victor looked a little dazed but tucked the napkin into his pocket. “Yeah, I’ll remember that.”

“So, I’ll talk to you soon then?” asked Yuuri.

“Hold on,” said Victor as he scrambled with the bag slung over his shoulder. “Before you go, I want you to take this.” He pulled out a small book from the bag that had seen better days before. Yuuri blinked a few times, and his eyes flicked up to Victor’s, “What’s this?”

Victor scratched the back of his head with his free hand, “It’s the journal Sasha kept after he left Hisashi’s home. You have every right to see this as much as I do.”

Oh.

Yuuri raised his eyebrows in surprise and took the small book into his hands. “I..I don’t know what to say.”

A cheeky smile spread across Victor’s lips. “Maybe turn this into a bestseller too?”

Yuuri rolled his eyes playfully, “You’re silly.” Yuuri reached out to hand the journal back to Victor, but he took a step back.

Victor held up his hand, palm outwards. “No, you can keep it.”

“Victor, I can’t-”

“I had it for almost nine years now. It’s not fair if I hog it.”

Yuuri took a moment to respond, and he sighed in resignation. “Okay.” Luckily enough, the journal was small enough for it to fit inside his coat pocket safely.

“Well, you don’t want to keep your friend waiting. I’ll see you soon, beautiful.” Victor winked, shrugged on his rather expensive looking coat and walked off to the front entrance. Yuuri stood frozen, his heart thumping, and his hands tightly clutching on to the journal. He felt his face get considerably warmer as the seconds passed by. Had Victor just called him beautiful?

After a short while, Yuuri laughed quietly to himself as he tried to calm his racing heart.

Perhaps he could get used to it.

* * *

  _Hisashi lay in the grassy hillside with Sasha beside him, the setting sun casting a golden light across the countryside. He rolled onto his side, curling up into Sasha’s broad chest and sighed.  All was silent around them, except for Sasha’s deep humming. The ends of Hisashi's lips twitched into a smile._

_His humming eventually came to a soft end. Hisashi did not dare to look up to Sasha. In the months of Sasha’s stay, he managed to carry himself differently among his family. He was just a regular stoic, but polite, soldier around them. When he was around Hisashi, however, Sasha let his walls come down, and he became a normal, spirited young adult. But there seemed to be a part of his wall that he held onto around Hisashi, no matter how close they have gotten over the past couple months. For the first time, Hisashi didn’t sense that feeling from Sasha. It felt wonderful._

_After a long silence, Hisashi responded softly. ‘That sounded nice. What was that?’_

_Sasha jumped at the sudden sound, and Hisashi bites back a snort. ‘Oh, you were awake?’ He sat up, and Hisashi lazily rolled off of him. Sasha scratched the back of his head, and a bright blush spread across his cheeks.  ‘It’s this Italian song I heard when I was still back in Russia.’_

_Hisashi rolled over, so he was laying on his stomach and propped his chin with the palm of his hand. ‘You know Italian?’_

_‘A little bit. My parents preferred that I learned French.’_

_‘What’s the song about?’_

_Sasha bit his lip, his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. After a short silence, his hand found his way to Hisashi's hand.  ‘It’s about looking for someone that shares the loneliness you’ve been feeling. You feel like everyone who has ever talked about love is ridiculous, and you don’t want to hear about it. But once you find that person, all you want to do is sing about love and never leave their side. Ever.’_

_Hisashi gazed at their joined hands. ‘What’s it called?’ His grip around Sasha’s hand tightened slightly._

_‘Stammi Vicino, Non Te Ne Andare.’_

_‘Stammi vicino.’ hummed Hisashi, the words feeling completely foreign on his tongue. ‘What does that mean?’_

_Sasha slowly pulled Hisashi back into his embrace, his arms ever so slightly bringing him closer to his body.  ‘Stay close to me, and don’t leave.’_

_‘I won't. Ever.’  replied Hisashi, the words slipping out of his mouth without hesitation._

_They stayed in each other’s arms, neither of them wanting to let go. It was just all perfect to Hisashi, and it just felt so right. Hisashi wanted to bury his face into Sasha’s neck until the world around them melted away and they were the only ones left. Just the two of them, together in a world where no one ever heard of borders or wars, and they could be themselves. Suck a place could exist someday, right?_

_A muffled explosion shattered their world, and the reality of their situation came crashing down on to Hisashi and Sasha._

_Tension fell upon them as they inevitably listened to the explosion fade away. ‘Do you remember the words?’ asked Hisashi, ignoring the distant low roar of another bomb going off in the mountains._

_The sharp pops of guns in the distant echoed off into the countryside. ‘A little bit.’ He pulled Hisashi closer, his body tensing._

_The gunshots abruptly stopped. An eerily calm silence washed over the countryside, the relative peace from earlier dead.  ‘Can you sing them to me?’ Hisashi whispered._

_Sasha’s body relaxed as the sounds stopped, but his blue eyes remained sharp. Old habits are hard to kick.  ‘I’m terrible,’ he murmured. He buried his nose into Hisashi’s dark hair and sighed, ‘but of course.’_

_Sasha breathed in deeply and began. The song was slow and quiet; it almost reminded Hisashi of a lullaby. He would occasionally stop to remember the lyrics, or to check if Hisashi wasn’t completely disgusted with his voice. When it was the latter, Hisashi would smile and gently tell him to continue. As Sasha continued, a dull ache began to grow inside Hisashi’s chest. He looked up to the darkening sky, unable to look at Sasha. The tears did not surprise him, but Hisashi tried his best to hide them from Sasha. He felt a soft brush of fingers on his wet cheek, and Hisashi stopped hiding from Sasha. He buried his face into the crook of his neck, his eyes holding no restraint as he cried softly._

_How could have he been this stupid? The night he found Sasha injured in the forest, Hisashi knew he wouldn’t stay forever. Sasha is a Soviet soldier, and he had a duty to his country after all. He was not going to risk it all for a humble farmer, from their supposed enemy side no less. As the days turned into weeks, and into months, Sasha kept surprising Hisashi more and more. He found himself wanting to be near Sasha whenever possible. He wanted to be there when Sasha tried to wean himself off the walking cane. He wanted to be there when Sasha tried to humorously explain his strange customs to his mother and father. He wanted to wake up next to Sasha every single morning for the rest of his life. He never wanted Sasha to say goodbye and return to the hellscape that the war turned the world into. He didn't want Sasha to go back to Russia and forget him. Hisashi buried himself a little deeper. That day will inevitably come, and both Sasha and himself knew it was sitting on the horizon. For now, all they needed was to stay close for as long as they could. Falling for Sasha was the stupidest thing Hisashi could have done._

_But the fall felt so wonderful._

_‘Why can’t we just stay here forever?’ Hisashi said so quietly that the breeze could have drifted away with it, unaware that he said it out loud than in his mind._

_He kissed the top of Hiashi’s head, and Sasha sang the final verse so quietly as if it were meant only for Hisashi’s ears, and his alone._

_‘Partiamo insieme_

_Ora sono pronto,_

~

The sounds of the city down below his apartment stirred Yuuri out his sleep, his eyes blinking slowly at the soft morning light.  

It was strange to wake up well-rested and not covered in sweat, but it was a feeling Yuuri happily got accustomed to. Three months had passed since that day in Detroit. The book tour ended, giving Yuuri’s social anxieties a small breath of relief. Now, Yuuri spent the majority of his free time living peacefully in his beloved flat in New York City with a cup of tea always at hand. Phichit would still come over to his best friend’s flat and pester him like always, and sometimes he would bring over his new boyfriend, Seung-gil, for a few drinks. The final book of the series was doing a lot better than anyone had expected, making it to the number one spot on countless bestseller lists. With all the money that was coming in, Yuuri had enough to pay off the remaining debt his parents had on the onsen he grew up in back in Japan, and then some to help renovate the place back to its former glory. Everything was starting to look up for Yuuri, and the picture of Victor he had as his phone’s lockscreen was a testament to that.

As the months passed, Yuuri and Victor remained in close contact. Their busy schedules kept them from visiting each other in person, but Skype calls and text messages helped mend that bridge. He learned that Victor was an accomplished historian in Washington D.C., and often traveled around the country to help archive testimonies from surviving World War II veterans. He had a poodle named Makkachin, who immediately stole Yuuri’s heart when Victor turned the camera over to him one night during a Skype call. His neighbor liked to play obscenely loud heavy metal at night, and while Victor was annoyed at first, he slowly began to grow a little liking to it. He even went over one night and thrashed along with him. Every day on his walk to work, he’d stop by a cafe and order a coffee, no cream, three sugars, and a bagel with cream cheese. They were small mundane things, but Yuuri found them all endearing. It was nice to know that the man he was chasing in his dreams had all these little quirks that made Victor himself. They knew they were both reincarnations, but there was also a lot more to them besides that fact. And Yuuri wanted to know everything about Victor.

So the days and weeks passed lazily. Their short text conversations eventually spanned over into days of unrelated text messages that strung together in a way only Victor and Yuuri understood. Their one hour Skype calls grew into seven-hour calls that only stopped when they both realized that the morning birds were starting to chirp outside. Whenever his phone went off with a message from Victor, Yuuri’s heart would beat just a little bit faster than usual. Everything around him slowly began to remind Yuuri of Victor. From the random poodles that walked the streets of the city, the cafe he went to every morning, even to the pork cutlet bowl he ate the night before reminded him of Victor. It amazed him,  but also frightened him. In a short amount of time, Victor managed to come into his life and hold this presence that made him feel some sort of way. Was it love? Yuuri was still trying to understand his feelings himself. What he did know was that the constant empty feeling he felt for years vanished with Victor in the picture. Yuuri never wanted to experience it again.

A quiet buzz pulled Yuuri out from his thoughts, and he shifted closer to his nightstand. A small smile graced his lips as the selfie of Victor he sent Yuuri a few weeks ago lit up on his phone screen. It was a message from Victor.   

**‘I’m helping out with an exhibit in New York for the next month. (: Is your couch open?’**

Yuuri snorted, and his thumbs typed out a quick reply.

**‘I have a guest room you know’**

* * *

  **Phichit: ‘Have a great time with you know who~!! ;D’**

Yuuri sighed as he locked his phone and held onto the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. LaGuardia was bustling with frantic passengers funneling in and out of the of the terminals, but Yuuri kept his eyes fixed onto the odometer. To say that Yuuri was nervous would just be scratching the surface. Sure, he grew to be comfortable talking to Victor over the past four months, but having him stay over was a different matter. And staying for a whole month added even more to Yuuri’s worries. What if Victor doesn't like his apartment? What if he’s allergic to the brand of air freshener Yuuri used? What if Victor finds his stove dinky? At that thought, Yuuri gasped. He did turn off the stove before he left this morning, right? Yuuri dropped his head onto the steering wheel with a thud. Great, there might not even be an apartment to get back to.

Yuuri squeaked at the sudden loud knock and looked over to see a smiling Victor peering into the car. Standing there with his windswept silver hair, his flawless skin that probably didn't know what acne was, his full lips framing unfairly white teeth, his sharp jaw that could cut a diamond, those striking blue eyes, and oh God he was staring, wasn't he? Yuuri quickly looked back down and felt the heat rush to his face as he fumbled with the trunk lever. How anyone was allowed to be so disgustingly attractive at eight in the morning, Yuuri didn't know.

After hauling the last of his luggage into the trunk, Victor rounded back to the side of the car and climbed inside. “Yuuri!”  

He reached over the car’s console and pulled Yuuri into a tight hug. “Hey,” Yuuri greeted back, trying to ignore the small tingle that fluttered down his back. He pulled out of Victor’s arms and smiled.  “How was the flight?”

“Not bad. The chair could've been more comfortable though,” said Victor, leaning back down into his seat.

“I thought you were going to bring Makkachin?” Yuuri asked as he began to pull his car out from the parking space.

“I was, but poor Makka has been feeling sick this past couple of days. I thought traveling might make her feel worse than before, so my intern is going to watch over her while I'm here.”

“Aww.” Yuuri pouted, his eyes fixed onto the traffic ahead. “I didn't know you had an intern?”

“Yes, his name is Yuri, just like you! Everyone just calls him Yurio though. He’s a smart young man, and I know he'll be an excellent historian someday. He just needs to work on his temper a bit more” laughed Victor.

They spent the rest of the car ride chatting about small things like weird things in the news, to how they hold they a knife and a fork during dinner. Apparently, Victor holds his knife on his right and the fork on his left. Who knew? Nothing felt forced, and they words came naturally to the both of them. Yuuri found it pleasant.

They finally arrived at Yuuri’s apartment building, and after a ride on the elevator, they were standing at the front door.

“I just had them right now,” Yuuri muttered, his hands feeling around his jeans for the keys. “Oh! There you are.” He pulled the keys out from his back pocket and fumbled with the door knob.   

The locked clicked, and Yuuri opened the door with a slight flourish. “Welcome to my humble home.”

Victor stepped inside, placing his suitcase down on the wooden floor, and glanced around the flat. Judging from the upscale neighborhood and the doorman down at the first floor, Victor had expected Yuuri’s place to just as ritzy as the area. As his eyes glossed over the various knick-knacks on the bookshelf, the couch that looked like it’s seen its fair share of movie nights, the small kitchen that had the evidence of a leftover breakfast, the huge floor to ceiling window that washed the place in the morning light, he felt welcomed. “Wow,” said Victor, “It feels homey.”

“I’m not one for the minimalist approach,” replied Yuuri as he closed the front door. “I tried it out when I first moved in. It felt like I walked into home interior catalog every time I came back.”

Victor walked over to the small sofa table, and his eyes fell onto a small picture frame. “Oh, is this your family?” asked Victor as he picked up the picture frame. It had worn down a bit, but the image of the smiling family standing on a beach was still clear.  

Yuuri walked up behind Victor. “Yeah. Did I never show you a picture before?”

“Nope.” replied Victor.

“I don’t know how that slipped my mind,” murmured Yuuri.“ Well, that’s me, my sister Mari, and my mom and dad. I think I was eight in that photo.” said Yuuri as he pointed out each face in the picture.

Victor smiled softly at the small Yuuri beaming as he clung onto his sister’s legs.   “You look so cute,” said Victor.  “Do you go home often?”

“Not a lot at first. When you’re a broke college student, a ticket to Japan costs a kidney and a  leg. Now I go back during the holidays and the summer months.”  

“I’ve never been to Japan.” Victor set the frame down on the table and turned back to Yuuri. “I’d like to go someday,” he smiled.  

Yuuri blinked a few times and felt the heat rush to his face. He averted his eyes and scratched his hair. “Y-Yeah, it’s great over there.”

He gestured over to the hallway, and they both made their way over to the room at the very end The room was simple with an enticing bed, a dresser, and the curtains were drawn open. “And here’s the guest room,” said Yuuri. “Phichit stays in here whenever he stays over, so if you find any shirts with hamsters on them, that’s probably his.”

Victor promptly plopped onto the soft comforter of the bed and sighed. “I like it.”

Yuuri stifled a laugh as he took in the view from the doorframe. He didn’t get tired at how much of a dork Victor could be. A thought suddenly crossed Yuuri’s mind, and he cleared his throat.  “So, when do you start work?”

Victor looked from the pillow he was cuddling. “I have today to myself, and then I start up work tomorrow morning.”

“I see,” said Yuuri, wringing his hands. That stupid blush was back again, Yuuri could feel it.  “Well, I thought since you have the day off, I can maybe show you around the city. I know you said you’ve only come up here for a couple of days at a time before we met.” His eyes kept flicking from Victor’s face to his sweaty hands.  “I, uh, I know this one great place that has these sandwiches to die for. Phichit dragged me with him a few months ago, and the place looked sketchy, but they’re great! And, we can get most of the touristy things out of the way today too if you want. I-I’m completely free today, so I can do whatever!” He laughed nervously, unable to meet Victor’s eyes. He was too forward! Victor just got off a plane, of course, he wouldn’t want to do anything!

Yuuri forced himself to look back up, his stomach doing flips on the inside. Victor’s mouth twitched upwards slightly. “Will this count as a date?”

Realization hit Yuuri like a train, and his eyes flew open. A date? As an official date? With Victor? “O-Oh!” He scoured his brain for the right words to say as Victor laughed at the man’s antics. “Uh, it can be! Yeah!  Only if you’re fine with it though.” And a part of him silently prayed that he was.

“Of course,” said Victor, trying to subdue his giggles. “Let me just freshen up, recycled air makes me feel gross.”

Yuuri straightened up and stood back from the door, “The bathroom is down the hall and to the right.”

Victor grabbed one of his bags, thanked Yuuri, and walked out of the room in a hurry. Yuuri waited until he heard the sounds of the shower before he walked back over to the living and plopped his body onto the soft cushions. It’s not like Yuuri doesn't want to go on a date with Victor. He does want to! Yuuri just didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly. Those butterflies came back full force, and Yuuri squirmed in his spot. It was so nerve-wracking, but also wonderful at the same time, He looked down at his outfit and concluded that track pants and a hoodie were not first date appropriate.

Yuuri stood up from the couch,  dashed over to his room and threw open his closet doors. They weren’t going to some upscale Manhattan restaurant, so his suit was a no-go. But they also weren’t staying the day in, so his favorite worn down pullover wasn’t an option either.  He tossed and ransacked his closet, and he knew he was going to regret later when he would have to sort the mess out later, but this was more important. Yuuri eventually found his blue cardigan and striped shirt under the pile of clothes, deeming them casual enough, but not too much. He grabbed a pair of jeans from the dresser, dressed in record time, and stood in front of the closet mirror, giving himself a look over. Not too shabby.

Yuuri was keeping his glasses on. He wanted to see his date as perfectly as his correction lenses can achieve. His hair was a different matter. Yuuri tousled his hair around between his fingers, going through various styles. Should he keep his hair up or down?  

“Yuuri! Where are you?”

Fuck it, down it is.

“Hold on!” Yuuri yelled, giving an approving nod to his appearance. He ran back out from his bedroom and found Victor standing by the couch. He dressed a bit more formal than Yuuri had expected, and he started to regret not going for the button-up. But he thought he look great, and there was no turning back now.

“Ready?” asked Yuuri as he picked his wallet and keys up from the coffee table. When Yuuri looked back up, Victor’s eyes locked onto Yuuri. Yuuri shifted in his spot, feeling small under Victor’s intense gaze. “What? Do I something on my face?”

Yuuri caught Victor’s small jump at his words and cleared his throat rather loudly. “N-No! It’s…” He broke off and paused for a moment, thinking about his next words. A small smile played on his lips. “You look great.”

Yuuri broke into a broad grin. “Oh, thank you.” The cardigan was obviously the better choice.

“So, you ready?” asked Victor.  

“Come on, let’s go!”

The day went on, and they hardly saw anything of interest to Yuuri’s mind. After living in the city for a while, a majority of the sights lose their novelty, and you become jaded to their presence. However, Victor practically bounced with excitement with each corner turn and street they walked down. To any outsider, it would've looked like Victor was the one showing Yuuri around the town. If Yuuri hadn’t seen all of the city, then he certainly had by the end of the day. Eventually, after scouring the streets of Chinatown, eating their way through Chelsea Market, getting lost inside the MoMa, and strolling around Central Park, Yuuri and Victor found themselves on the 70th floor of the Rockefeller Center.  

The city’s bright lights reflected off Victor’s eyes as he took in the view with a broad smile. “Amazing!”

The soft breeze made a chill run down Yuuri’s spine, and he shivered.  “Yeah, the view is a lot better than one from the Empire State Building.”

“Oh! I think I can see your apartment building from here!” pointed Victor.

“No way,” replied Yuuri. He looked off into the distance in the direction Victor pointed and squinted. “Oh, maybe you can,” he muttered.  

Victor breathed in the air and sighed. “I can’t believe I have to work tomorrow. There’s so much more to see!”

“We have an entire month to work on that Victor.” replied Yuuri, who swore he heard his aching feet scream at Victor’s proposal.  

“We should take a photo,” said Victor. A young tourist walked by the two, and Victor called out to her. “Oh, excuse me, ma’am! Do you mind taking a photo for us?” asked Victor, his hand reaching into his jacket for his phone.

The young woman beamed. “Sure thing!” She took the phone off of Victor’s hands and waited for Yuuri and Victor to get in position. “You guys ready?” she asked as she readied the camera. Victor wrapped an arm around Yuuri, jumping slightly at Victor’s unexpected touch. “Ready!” he replied.  

After a couple of seconds, she handed Victor the phone back, and he thanked her graciously. Ten shots of the same photo we’re in Victor’s camera roll, but they looked through all of them the same. Both of them smiling with brilliant city lights in the back, Phichit would've been proud of the photo’s composition. “Oh, make sure to send that me later,” said Yuuri.

“I like this.”

“Yeah, the photo looks great!” exclaimed Yuuri.

“When you smile. I like it.”

Yuuri looked over to the skyline, praying that the flush on his cheeks would pass off as an effect of the cold wind. “It’s, uh, getting late. We should probably start heading back, don’t you think?”

They made their way back down to ground level in a comfortable silence, and they were soon back on an Uber on their way back home. The lull of the car ride was enticing to Yuuri after a long day of walking up and down the island, but the memories of day flashed through his mind, and it helped him stay awake. Sure, Yuuri was tired, and his feet will probably be sore in the morning, but he was also happier than he could remember feeling in months. He had spent the best day of his life, rekindled his love for the wonderful city he called his home, with Victor. Yuuri wasn’t sure if anything could top it.

He felt a weight drop onto his shoulder, and Yuuri looked over to see a sleeping Victor slumped over in the car seat, his head resting on Yuuri’s shoulder. He was out cold, and Yuuri guessed that he was just as exhausted as he was. He got into a more comfortable position, and Yuuri rested his head next to Victor’s.  

This definitely topped it.

//

The month flew in a blink of an eye for Victor and Yuuri. Mornings spent eating breakfast together, with idle chatter. Going out together, whether it was to eat or just to pick up more toilet paper. Spending some nights in on the couch, watching some mundane show that neither of them had an interest in but just wanted the excuse to be close on the couch. And the dreams. Yuuri did not notice it at first, but his dreams suddenly stopped after Victor came to New York. But after many days of waking up to the sounds of Victor humming as he prepared himself for the day, Yuuri wasn’t sure of what was real or not.

Towards the end of the month, Yuuri fully understood the mess of emotions he felt for the past three months. He was falling for Victor, and he was falling hard. If he was loud enough, he wanted to shout it from the rooftop of his building, so the whole city knew. He didn’t want to say goodbye to Victor once the month ended, and wait for the next visit. Given their careers, who knew when that would be. Despite all this, there was a piece of doubt that always held Yuuri back from confessing his feelings to Victor. They were both completely aware that their past lives loved each other tremendously, but did that necessarily mean that Yuuri and Victor had to as well? Yuuri realized that he did, but what about Victor? Were his feelings for Victor actually his own? During their time together, neither had brought up anything about their past lives. Yuuri spent a good part of his later years dwelling over that, and for once, he wanted to forget about it and spend time with Victor. He knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. He had to talk to him about it at some point. The fear of being right held Yuuri back, and he kept his doubts to himself. It was not until the day of Victor’s return flight that Yuuri decided to speak.

“Well, I guess this is it.”

Yuuri’s gaze drifted away from Victor’s bittersweet eyes. He listened to the loud clamor of the airport gate and stared at his shoes. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Yuuri slightly flinched when Victor reached out and took his hands into his. “This month has been fantastic, and I want to thank you. I haven’t had this much fun in years!” Victor laughed.  Yuuri smiled slightly, his face flushing a little too noticeable, his gaze still locked on the floor. “I’m going to miss you,” said Victor. 

Yuuri looked back into Victor’s eyes. “I’m going to miss you too,” he said, ignoring the ache in his chest. He stepped back, held his arms open and flushed harder. “Hug?”

Victor smiled and stepped into Yuuri’s embrace, pulling him close until their bodies pressed together. Yuuri basked in the stunning, perfect feeling that washed over him. This is what he wanted, for this feeling to never end. Yuuri tried to hide in the curve of Victor’s neck, to block out the airport and the world and everything until nothing existed but the two of them.   

Victor straightened out and pulled back, much to Yuuri’s disappointment. “I’m going to be stuck in all day meetings once I land, so do you want to Skype tomorrow instead?”

Yuuri breathed in quickly. “Yeah, that sounds great,” he replied, trying to steady his heart.   

He could’ve sworn he saw a quick flash of conflict pass through Victor’s eyes. “Well, I’ll see you later Yuuri.” With a final wave, Victor slung over his duffle bag and began to walk over to the gate entry. As he watched Victor walk further and further away, Yuuri realized his window to speak was closing fast. Victor was not going to fly away without hearing Yuuri out first.  

“Wait!”

Some random strangers looked over at Yuuri for the random outburst, but he couldn’t have cared less. Victor stopped in his tracks and turned around fast. Did he look hopeful? “I…” Yuuri trailed off. The words sat on his tongue, all of them eager to spill out. Why was this hard? Yuuri swallowed deeply, and his lips turned into a small, forced smile.  “Have a safe flight.” He never hated himself more than he did at that moment.

Victor’s gaze faltered but smiled. “Thanks.” 

Yuuri waved a final time and watched Victor disappear behind the gate. He stood there in the crowded terminal, feeling more alone than he ever had in his life.

The car ride was silent, despite the blaring rush hour traffic outside. Yuuri came home to his empty flat, the sound of the door closing behind him echoing in the stillness. Around this time, Victor would have stopped by for lunch before heading back to the museum. He unknowingly walked over to the couch and seated himself down, his eyes not daring to go to the spot Victor used to sit on. Watching television was not going to solve anything, but it was a damn good distraction from the problem. Yuuri switched to the first channel he could find, sat back, and allowed his mind go numb with the heavily scripted reality show. He didn’t bother keeping track of time, and at some point, Yuuri decided to tear his eyes off the screen. He became aware that the sun had started to set, and that he was incredibly hungry.  

He settled on a cup of instant noodles, eating as far away from the kitchen table where he and Victor shared their meals for a month as possible. It was strange to fix dinner by myself after a month of cooking with Victor. After finishing the last noodle, he threw away the empty cup and went back to numbing his racing thoughts away with television. Eventually, Yuuri’s eyes began to droop down with sleep, and he dragged himself off the couch to turn in for the night.

He finished his nightly ritual in little under five minutes. Did it only take that long to get ready for bed before? Without Victor around to chime in about something that happened during the day while Yuuri was brushing his teeth, he believed it. With a heavy sigh, Yuuri slipped under the cool covers, the soft sounds of the sleepless city’s late night traffic filled the empty bedroom. His brown eyes stared up at the ceiling, his body stiff against the plush mattress. The soft comfort of his bed did nothing to ease Yuuri’s mind, and the deafening stillness only helped to enhance all the pent up emotions he tried hard to suppress all day. Why didn’t tell Victor about his feelings at the airport? Why did he take until the last minute to even try? Did that mean he didn’t love Victor as much as he thought he did?

Yuuri groaned and ran his hand through his hair. No, he loved Victor, he was sure of that. But those damn doubts of his always got in the way, no matter the situation. He would try so hard to swallow down his uncertainties, but whenever Victor look at him with those oh so blue eyes of his, the confidence he tried to build up shied away.  And now Victor was four states away and who knew the next time they would be able to see each other in person.

Yuuri shuffled over to his side, and his eyes fell onto his nightstand. Sasha’s journal sat innocently next to his night lamp, a sheer layer of dust coated the worn leather cover. After he received the journal from Victor, Yuuri never got around to read its contents. He felt foolish for believing that Sasha managed to live happily after the war, and a part of him could bear to read over his agony. So Yuuri placed it on his nightstand as a reminder to himself to gather up the nerves to read its pages one day.  His eyes gazed hard at the journal’s thin spine, the sleep having left his body ages ago. In one swift motion, he snatched the book, his glasses off from the nightstand, and flipped the lamp on. Tonight would be the night.

Yuuri cracked open the book, and he silently thanked his university for offering Russian classes. Yuuri was by no means fluent, but he knew enough to be able to stumble around the entries. 

_._

_Friday 20 July 1945_

_I had this in my belongings for a while, but I never got around to using it. I will not be able to say much. Higher ranking officers are afraid of diaries getting into enemy hands if something were to happen to us. The writing helps to distract me during downtime, however._

_We are moving along the country, and it is beautiful. Almost as much as you._

_._

_Tuesday 24 July 1945_

_Getting into habits is hard, but I swear to write again tomorrow. We have been getting bad weather since last week, but things have been clearing up. I forgot how tiring marching is._

_We passed through wildflowers during one of our marches. How are you doing?_

_._

_Monday 27 August 1945_

_I tried to write, honest. We were ordered to ship out to the Kuril Islands to take back them back from Japan. Japan has surrendered, and most of the Japanese garrisons left on the islands have surrendered as well. Most of us are starting to wonder when we will be able to return home, but some of the officers told us not get our hopes up._

_I need to know if you and your family are okay. There is no way for me to find out, and it is killing me. I just need you to stay close to me._

_._

_Sunday 25 April 1948_

_I im alriht. I dont hve a problm i don’t ned help from anyon. Alonya can fuc off. she will nevr undrstan I don’t need her o nobodi. hapiness my ass. i jus_

_i jus ned_

_oh god wher r you hisahi?_

_._

_Saturday 17 July 1948_

_I keep rereading the last entry, and I only get more and more ashamed of myself. First and foremost, I apologized to my dear sister after that night. Alonya and I are all we have, and she was only looking out for me. I constantly see the scar on her hand from the bottle I threw, and it’ll only remind me of how much I do not deserve her kindness._

_It has been six months since I returned. The rebuilding has been slow, and the majority of the streets I grew up on are still piles of rubble and debris. I left behind my parents, my sister, and my younger brother, but Alonya was the only one at the train station. She did not need to tell me. I knew what became of them. It’s funny, my townspeople call me a hero, and they practically worship the ground I walk on. But I do not feel like one. They give me ‘special treatment,' as they put it, for protecting the Motherland, but what for? What was all of this for?_

_Vodka had all the answers I needed during those days. Vodka did not judge me. Vodka did not treat me like a so-called hero. She was unbiased and gave me all the comfort in the world, and the power to try to forget. The small amount of pay I got from the labor coalition went to the bottles every day, but eventually, they let go. They were tired of me showing up to rebuilding jobs drunk. I ended up begging on the streets, and that is how Alonya found me that day. She took me home and pleaded me to stop. I remember telling her that she would never understand. I do not remember how it escalated to throwing a bottle at her direction, but I regret that it did._

_Alonya would never understand. I am afraid of telling her about you. She loves me undeniably, but she also faithfully attends Mass each Sunday. She is all I have, but you are also my everything. No matter how many bottles I empty, I cannot get your beautiful face out of my mind._

_I turned on the radio after she left, and our song came on. I have never cried so hard before in my entire life._

_._

_Saturday 21 August 1948_

_I still do understand how I can never get into the habit of writing in this journal daily. Mama always did say I was forgetful, I suppose._

_Today marks the two-month anniversary of being sober. Alonya managed to scrap for ingredients, and she made piroshkis to celebrate. They almost tasted how Mama used to make them. I managed to secure a job at the new steel factory in town. At some point, I would like to resume my schooling, but given Alonya and I’s current financial situation, it is a luxury I cannot afford. Speaking of which, I am due to have my first niece or nephew sometime in November. Can you believe it? Roman and my little sister, who would have thought? When I left, Alonya was still throwing shoes at him._

_Our new home is finally standing after four months, big enough for Alonya and her new growing family. She and Roman insist that I stay, but I feel that I’ll grow to be a nuisance to them. But for now, I’ll take their offer._

_For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful. My family is rebuilding. My home is back where it should be. My job is stable. Perhaps, things are finally turning around._

_._

_Sunday 19 September 1948_

_Alonya found me crying in the room earlier. I told her. I told her everything. I couldn’t keep going and pretend anymore. I could not begin to describe how much it ate away at me. But she must have known about it. I rarely brought up the subject of girls before the war._

_I told her about you. I stumbled, but then everything came out so fast, I don’t remember what I said. She was silent afterward, and I was petrified. I had heard stories of what they do to people like me. Then, she hugged me and started to cry. We cried in each other's arms for who knows how long. Alonya did not care at all. ‘I just want you to be happy, Sasha,’ she had told me. She tried to apologize, supposedly for not finding out sooner. There was no need for her to apologize, I held this inside for so long, nobody would have suspected it._

_We spent the entire afternoon talking about you. She loves you like a brother already. I hope you can meet her one day; you’d love her too. Just try not to tease her about her height, she’ll throw a boot at you._

_._

_Friday 5 November 1948_

_Alonya had her baby today. A beautiful little girl, can you believe it? Eva Romanovna Stepanova. She was so tiny in my arms and so soft.  Eva looks so much like her mother, but she has Roman’s curly hair. Oh, how she’ll hate him for it once summer arrives when she is older._

_They’re a beautiful family, you should see them. Both of them just cooing over Eva, so full of happiness and love. I couldn’t help myself to feel a bit jealous when I was in the room. Terrible, right? I’ve felt that type of happiness before. The both of us._

_Am I ever going to feel it again?_

_._

_Friday 24 December 1948_

_I am never going to see you again, am I?_

_Leaving the country is impossible. No one is fearless enough to try to escape and possibly face exilement. It is easy for me to say that. I do not have a wife or children waiting for me when I return home._

_Alonya sat down with me the other day. I have not been eating well these past few days either, and she tried to get me to eat something. ‘I cannot possibly understand how you feel, but please Sasha. You need to forget about him. It’s for the best,’ she had told me. Alonya kept talking, but I did not hear a word. Forget you? How can I just forget about you? What if I had told her to forget about Mother and Father? Or Denis?_

_Not knowing what became of you is what keeps me up at night. Did you survive the invasion? Are you well? Is your family okay? Do you still think of me, like I do you? Or are you..._

_There is no part of me now that regrets leaving that one morning. I would have gladly braved the Siberian winters if I had to, just to have stayed by your side a bit longer. Your lovely face is the last thing I see before I sleep, and I wish it weren't the tear stained one from that day. Sometimes I wake up, and I expect you to be on the side next to me, you always liked to hog up more space. When I realize you are not there, my heart breaks a little bit more than I thought it would._

_Hisashi, you have no idea how much I need you. I can still feel you in my arms, hearing your voice, seeing your face, and it tears my body to shreds. There is only so much I could do to suppress this feeling and believe me I have tried. But every time I think I succeeded, I hear you calling out to me, and everything crashes down._

_You know, for a while I had this dream. We were together, and we had our own farm. We never worried about war or judgment. It was just us two, and I woke up to your sleeping face each morning, and it was the last thing I saw each night before I slept. We spent our days loving each other, and possibly owning a dog or two. I am impartial to poodles. As I look back, oh, how much of a fool was I to ever believe that could happen. But a small part of me feels we could be happy, somewhere, maybe in some other time._

_Perhaps you have moved on, or maybe you are still waiting for me somewhere. I just want you to forgive me for not being brave enough to stay by your side. You deserve someone better than a damn coward like me._

_I love you so much Hisashi, and I regret not telling you more often when I had the chance._

_._

Yuuri scanned the final entry for the twentieth time, and he let out a deep, shaky sigh. He was not sure whether the journal helped or made things worse. While he did finally get to catch a glimpse into Sasha’s world, it also helped cement the fact that life managed to screw over Hisashi and Sasha in monumental ways. Each sentence stabbed his heart.  He almost wanted yell at Sasha that he was feeling pain over a rotting skeleton somewhere in an abandoned field. But there was no way that Sasha could have known that, and perhaps that was the cruel aspect of it.

Sasha was not a coward in Yuuri’s eyes. Sasha thought he was doing the right thing at the time. He didn’t know what would happen after he left. Yuuri knew how much Hisashi loved him, and how much Sasha loved him. He didn't need to apologize, he said it more than enough times. More than Yuuri could say about himself with Victor.    

At that moment, Yuuri had made his decision.

Early the next morning, he searched for the first plane out to Washington, D.C.

~

The flight was short, and Yuuri ends up in the middle of an airport in D.C., the adrenaline of impulsivity running through him. Before the plane took off in New York Yuuri, under the guise of mailing back a nonexistent sweater Victor had supposedly left in New York, managed to get his address out. He hailed a cab, feared for his life as the driver swerved in and out of morning rush traffic until he finally arrived in a quaint neighborhood in Georgetown. The driver dropped him off at the corner just in case Victor happened to look out his window and wonder why a cab was running in from of his home.

With the small suitcase rolling behind him, Yuuri walked up the steps of the brownstone, pressed the bell at the door, and hoped that Victor had not left for the museum already. He hears a muted yell from the behind the door, and Victor opens the door in his flannel pajama bottoms and the overpriced ‘I Love New York’ shirt they had got at a gaudy gift shop before he left. He gaped at Yuuri, even rubbed his eyes to make sure they were working correctly.   

Yuuri was the first to speak. “O-Oh, so you are home.”

Victor blinked a few times and furrowed his brow. “Yeah, today is my off day. Yuuri, what are you-”

“We need to talk.” Yuuri interrupted, strong and firm.

Victor took a moment to respond. “Um, okay?” Yuuri stepped forward into the house and hastily strode over to the living room, leaving a confused Victor to close the door behind him. He slowly approached a pacing Yuuri, confused as to how and why Yuuri was currently in his home and not back in New York. Yuuri abruptly stopped and faced Victor, his eyes boring into his.  “Are we serious about this? About everything? About us?”

“Yuuri, I-”

“Because I love you.”

“Oh.” It was all Victor could say.

Yuuri felt all the emotions and words he bottled up of the past few months snowball out of his mouth. “You know for a while I thought, ‘Oh, this must be Hisashi’s feelings,' that I’m supposed to love you either way because you were Sasha. But after everything, I realized I would still love you, even if we didn’t meet 72 years ago.” Everything flowed right off him, and Yuuri was not able to stop it, nor did he want to.  

“Because when I’m with you,” Yuuri blinked up to the ceiling, viciously fighting back the tears pooling up, and sighed, “I feel like that’s how we should’ve been all along. Together. It feels so amazing and beautiful, but I’m so _terrified_ that maybe you don’t feel the same way that I do. I keep thinking that maybe you tried to find me so that somehow you’ll forget about everything. That maybe I’ll just be an excuse for you to come in the city. It may have been only four months, but I’ve never felt this happy before in my entire life. And now here I am in front of you blubbering like an idiot and..” but Yuuri did not finish the sentence because Victor grasped his waist, pulled him close, and pressed their lips together.

The world disappeared, and Yuuri forgot how to breathe. His stomach turned into churning knots, and he fluttered his eyes closed. The soft press of Victor’s lips against his was gentle and warm. When Victor tried pulled away a little, Yuuri immediately reached up and pulled him back. “Don’t,” he whispered before bringing their lips together again. Victor moaned softly against his lips and Yuuri thought he was flying. 

Never had Yuuri felt so high with another person before. It was nothing like he had ever felt, and his body ached for more. Yuuri parted his lips and felt Victor’s tongue against his. His body melted at the sensation. His hands clutched onto Victor’s shoulders, pressed harder into the kiss and Victor responded, pressed back hungrily and pulled Yuuri so tight against him that he could hardly breathe. Victor’s hands ran through Yuuri’s hair to down the curve of his spine, and Yuuri gasped shakily against his lips. He never wanted Victor to let him go.   

The kiss gradually slowed, and Yuuri opened his eyes to find Victor’s blue irises staring into his. They stayed like that for who knows who long, their eyes locked, their lips barely touching. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?” murmured Victor.

Yuuri looked up through his long lashes. “How long?” he asked, his barely above a whisper.

“Years. Mila and I searched for years, and we always ran into same dead ends. But I knew you were out there somewhere. You had to be. Then one day, she found the books.”

“Yuuri, that was the greatest day of my life. You were the only other person in the world that could understand everything I felt, and you remembered everything too! I moved to America to find you, but I didn’t know where to start. You’re a pretty hard person to get in touch with, you know,” Victor chuckled. “Then the book tour happened, and I met you. You’re everything I dreamt you to be, and more. During those months we were apart, I got to know you more and more, not just as Hisashi’s reincarnation, but as just you. I fell so hard, but I was afraid that I would scare you off. I didn’t want to make you feel that I was just seeking a relationship solely because of our past lives. Even if we had something 72 years ago, we are still completely different people now. I wanted to make sure that you knew you had a choice in this, and as much as I wanted you to feel the same way, I was prepared if you didn’t.”   

Yuuri shook his head incredulously. So they each had their worries. “I guess we can work on the communication a bit,” said Yuuri, the corners of his lips twitching into a small smile.

Victor quietly laughed and moved his hands so that they were cradling Yuuri’s face. “I could care less now if you were Hisashi. It doesn't matter because I love you, and only you Yuuri Katsuki.”

His arms moved and held Yuuri into a tight embrace. “Please, just stay close to me.”

Dull visions of a forgotten countryside clouded Yuuri’s mind. It all felt painfully familiar, but this time, things would be different. Yuuri moved his arms and held onto Victor tighter.

“Always.”

* * *

“..And then Seung-gil and I just ended up watching The King and The Skater. I’m getting close Yuuri! I swore I heard him humming during the ‘Shall We Skate?’ number! I need to wiretap the room next time we watch it again or something,” laughed Phichit, his arms clutching onto the throw pillow as his body shook. Yuuri smiled at the sight of his best friend. Ever since the move to D.C., it had been a while since he was able to spend quality time with Phichit, and Yuuri was missing it badly.

He was surprised when Phichit knocked on Victor and Yuuri’s door at 7 AM one morning with a suitcase at hand, but neither of them could care less. The week was filled with sightseeing and going out to random places, but mostly consisted of staying in and catching up with each other. It was Yuuri’s personal favorite because both of them could talk for hours and hours on end from what happened on the latest episode of the show they were watching, to the discovery of rope. They could tell each other’s secrets without being afraid of being judged, and they’ll love each other the same, they were best friends after all.

That was what kept chanting inside Yuuri’s mind like a mantra as they sat in the living room with the TV playing as background noise. Because as much as Phichit would brag that he knew his best friend Yuuri like the back of his hand, there was always one thing Yuuri held back from him. It wasn’t like Yuuri was never going to tell Phichit the truth behind his books and his past. He’d been planning to ever since the day Phichit read his journal in the first place. He would always prepare this giant speech detailing every aspect of his past life and what his dreams were, but when the time came to confront Phichit, Yuuri’s brain threw out every excuse in the book to not have the conversation. The last time Yuuri tried, they ended up having an in-depth discussion about the meaning behind Twitter memes.

But Yuuri was not going to chicken out this time. Phichit deserved to know, Victor and him would probably not have met if it wasn’t for Phichit. Phichit is his best friend. Phichit would not judge him at all over this. He will not call him crazy and cut him off. Phichit is his best friend. He is not the type of person to do that. They have been friends for years. He would listen and understand. Phichit is his best friend. Phichit is his best friend, Phichit is his-     

“Yuuri?”

“O-Oh!” Yuuri jumped slightly in surprise, the TV remote clattering onto the floor. “Yeah, Seung-gil hums like an angel.”

Phichit picked up the remote and paused the movie. “What’s up Yuuri? You’ve been acting strange all afternoon.”

“It's nothing.”

“Was it the seafood from earlier? I told you that place looked sketchy!”

“No, no! I feel fine.”

Phichit scooted closer and leaned in. “Yuuri, then what's the matter? You can tell me anything.”

Of course, he could tell him anything, and hearing it come out of Phichit’s mouth gave Yuuri the extra push he was desperately looking for. He drew in a deep breath. “Phichit, you're the greatest friend I could ever have. You know that right?”

Phichit scoffed and smiled. “Well duh, Yuuri. You can't go to frat party one night and get completely shitfaced and climb the school’s flagpole and wake up in the cow fields behind the school together half naked and not say we're best friends.”

Yuuri laughed through his teeth. “We agreed on never bringing up the Sigma Epsilon incident again, Phichit.”

Phichit smiled sheepishly. “Oh, oops.”

“And you know I trust you with everything?” asked Yuuri, his mind scrambling for the right words to say.

Concern crossed Phichit face. “What’s going on, Yuuri? Did something happen?”

There was a pause before Yuuri continued. “It’s about Victor.”

Phichit’s hands found Yuuri’s and he held on tightly. “Did he do something to you? You don’t have to be scared-”

Yuuri pulled his hands out from Phichit’s grip and waved them in front of him. “No, oh God no!” He assured him frantically. “He didn’t do anything to me.” Yuuri nibbled his lip, eyes cast towards the rug. “I haven’t been exactly truthful with you about him, and our relationship.”

Phichit frowns. “What do you mean?”

The moment of truth came, and Yuuri’s mind was racing. “Listen, I never told anyone about what I’m going to say to you except for my good friend Yuuko growing up. It wasn’t anything against you, but I always had this fear of people either running off, telling me I’m crazy or something if I told them.”

Phichit’s eyes softened, and he placed his hand on Yuuri’s knee. “You’re scaring me here, Yuuri. You know I’d never judge you for the choices you make.”

“Which is why I’m kicking myself for taking so long to tell you.” Yuuri breathed in deeply. There was no going back. “Alright, so do you remember back in college when we switched notebooks and you took my journal on accident?”

“Yeah.”

“And you remember how I told you it was my writing journal?”

“Yup.”

“Well, it isn't my writing journal. Phichit, everything you read was my dreams,” said Yuuri, his eyes searching Phichit’s face for any reaction.

Phichit raised one of his eyebrows and slightly tilted his head. “Your dreams?”

“Listen, I’m not crazy-”

“Yuuri it’s okay, go on,” assured Phichit.

He nodded and swallowed the lump growing in his throat. “I’ve been having recurring dreams ever since I was thirteen. I didn’t care about them at first, but then I started having these flashbacks. Whether it was a flashback or a dream, it was always me as this young man.” Yuuri looked at Phichit straight in the eyes. “Seventy-two years ago, I used to be Hisashi Abe.”

“You?” Phichit started, then stopped. “So everything you wrote, they were all Hisashi’s memories?”

Yuuri nodded slowly in agreement. He felt uneasy as Phichit furrowed his eyebrows, apparently trying to process everything. He gasped suddenly. “Hold the phone, if your Hisashi, is Victor..?!”

“I changed his name to Ivan in the book, but Victor was Aleksander Nikitin back then. I should be thanking you. If you hadn’t pushed me to publish the journal, then we probably wouldn’t have found each other.”

Phichit gaped at him, stunned. “Yuuri…” A wide grin slowly stretched onto his lips. “It's incredible!”

Yuuri blinked. “Huh?” Luckily it wasn’t the response his mind had feared, but this also wasn’t the one he was expecting either. But he was talking to Phichit, so what other reaction was he expecting?

He let out a sound that was somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. “This is some quality grade material that cheesy romance movies are made up of, but it happened? And to my best friend, too?!” Phichit leaned in closer to Yuuri, his eyes sparkling in wonder. “So, what is it like? Do you have some sort of sixth sense when you’re around him?”

“Sixth sense?”

“Yeah, you know like twin telepathy, but with Victor. And you’re not twins.”

“No, no not like that!” laughed Yuuri. “We can’t read each other's mind or anything.”

He looked at Phichit again, a soft fondness clouding his eyes. “I always felt that something was missing growing up. I would always double check everything, and nothing would ever be missing. With Victor, I don't feel that way anymore. I know it sounds cliche, and anyone could say that about their significant other, but I psychically feel complete now. It’s like if we were each other’s halves or something.” Yuuri shrugged, smiling. “I can’t describe it any more than that. It’s just this feeling we have, and it’s nice.”

“You love each other, don’t you?” asked Phichit.

“Yeah.” replied Yuuri, the word slipping off his tongue effortlessly.

“I’m really happy you guys found each other again, Yuuri. And if you’re happy, then I’m happy. Per best friend rules, of course.” Phichit smiled, and he wrapped his arms around Yuuri into a warm embrace.

Yuuri gratefully accepted it and hugged a little tighter. “Thank you Phichit.” His relentless mind was finally silent, and it relieved him.

The sound of a turning lock echoed in the apartment. “Yuuri, I’m back!”

Yuuri pulled out of the hug and turned towards the doorway. “We’re in here Victor!” he called.

They heard the sounds of approaching steps on hardwood, and Phichit winked at Yuuri. “I got this.” Before he could ask, Phichit stood up from the couch and met Victor at the doorway. “Ah, Victor! How’s my favorite Russian incarnation doing? May I have a word with you outside?” Victor stammered out a reply, and Yuuri watched as Phichit wrapped an arm around Victor’s shoulder and led them out to the front door.

Later on that night, Yuuri discovered that through the power of television dramas, Phichit had learned how to make any murder look like an accident and get away with it. Victor looked amused as retold his conversation with Phichit to his boyfriend, but Yuuri noticed the ever so slight shake in his hands as they laid on top of his own.

Phichit could be scary at times when he wanted to be.

* * *

 The harsh studio lights glared down onto Yuuri, which made him squirm in the increasingly uncomfortable chair. He grew accustomed to interviews over time. However, televised ones still managed to make his stomach heavy.

“Don’t sweat it Yuuri. You got this!” said Phichit as he handed Yuuri a cup of water.

Yuuri managed to nod numbly as he downed the water in a single gulp. At least Phichit agreed to come along as moral support, aside from it being part of his job of course. The door on the other side of the room opened, and a young reporter hurriedly entered. She greeted Phichit as graceful and professional a journalist could get, before she turned to Yuuri.

Her cheeks flushed, and the air of confidence that surrounded her gave way to nervousness. “I am a huge fan of your works Mr. Katsuki, and I’m so happy to be able to work with you today! Let’s do our best, okay?”

He smiled. “Thank you, and yes, let’s give it our all.”

The cameraman stepped onto the small set and cleared his throat, “If you guys are ready, we’ll start shooting at your go ahead.”

The reporter took her place at the seat adjacent to Yuuri, and Phichit gave him a quick hug. “I’ll be over there if you need anything. Break a leg Yuuri!” He ran behind the camera crew, and the cameraman began to countdown. “And we’re shooting in 3,2...”

The reporter faced the camera and flashed her most television appropriate smile. “Well, the year is rapidly approaching its close, and it has been an interesting one for all of us. But probably not more so than for Yuuri Katsuki, who is with me today.” She turned to Yuuri, “You’ve practically disappeared off the face of this planet Mr. Katsuki! You haven’t been around any social media for some months now until recently, why the sudden silence?”

His stomach began to ease up, and he slowly began to fall into the character he used whenever he had to do television interviews. Yuuri’s lips twitched into a smirk, “I do enjoy time away from my phone sometimes.”

“Yes but, one would take a five-minute break as opposed to a five-month one.”

“That’s true,” he laughed. “Yeah, I began a new project during that time, and I felt that I should try to limit my distractions. It wasn’t like I logged off completely, my best friend Phichit handled all my accounts at the time and kept me updated.”

“Being away from social media still does not save you from the rumor mill. Hundreds of stories we’re going around as to why you took a break, from visiting aging family back in Japan to even backpacking through the high Alps!”

“My family is healthy and well, and I’m not that much of a thrill seeker.”

The reporter looked down to her small notebook, “Leaving the most popular rumor about your absence: you have started up a new project.”

“Which I did,” replied Yuuri.

“Now the second part of this theory: it will be a sequel to your series .” She leaned in slightly, eyes fixed onto Yuuri’s, “Can you give us a confirmation?”

The small smile on Yuuri’s lip grew, “Yeah, I’m currently working on the sequel, and it’s coming along faster than I had anticipated it to be. At this rate, it should be released in two months.”

He could see the excitement boiling up inside the reporter’s eyes, but her professionalism helped contain it down, “That’s amazing!” She straightened out her posture, and flipped through some of her notes, “Now, in a Times article from last year, you stated that the final book would be your last novel of your career. A lot can change in a year, but what specifically caused your change of heart?”

“Well I had some extra time to kill,” he shrugged.

They broke out in friendly laughter, and Yuuri shook his head, “I’m kidding obviously. Yes, a lot can change in a year. At the time, I thought ‘Just this one, and I’m done,' and I was totally prepared for that. You have a lot of extra time to think once you finish writing novels. During the year off, I felt inspired again to write, and I just gravitated to writing a sequel.”

“Not to pry into your personal life, but would you say your love life rekindled your inspiration to make a sequel? Despite your social media absence, your current relationship seems to be the media circle’s favorite,” said the reporter, her eyes looking expectantly at Yuuri.

Yuuri sat back in his chair, “Yes, Victor had a part in all of this. Don’t get me wrong; I was the one that did all the writing and drafting!” He chuckled softly and sighed, “I experienced a type of love with Victor that was, and still is, wonderful and unique. Hisashi and Ivan weren’t able to experience it long enough in the series, but I wanted their reincarnations in the sequel to be able to. And now here I am.”

“And how has Victor been through all this?” she asked.

Yuuri took a moment to consider the question, and a smile grew slowly on his lips, “Victor has been incredibly supportive. He's been my rock through all this. He’s put up with me all those nights I decided to not come in at a reasonable time. He listened to me when I went on about this huge rant about my keyboard, to which I don’t even remember why I was mad about it in the first place, but it was probably something stupid, and Victor still listened to me for fifteen minutes!” Yuuri laughed, the gleam in his eyes shone brightly as he remembered the night he paced their bedroom, laptop in his tight clutch, going on and on about something while Victor and Makkachin listened, nodding every once in awhile for good measure. To cut Victor some slack, it was four in the morning.

His eyes softened, the laughter dying gently, “There were some days where the anxiety would set back in, and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate at all. Anxiety has a thing to rear its head in at the most random times, but Victor would always be there with a cup of tea, and we’d just talk it out. And that’s something I could never thank him enough for. Just everything he does, I wouldn’t know where to start. Victor, if you're watching this later, I love you so much.” Yuuri turned to the camera and blew a kiss right at the lens, and swore he saw Phichit clutch his chest through the bright glare of the lights.

A giant goofy grin was plastered on the reporter’s face, and she sighed, “To be in love.” She giggled softly and continued, “Well, with the sequel around the corner, and the HBO adaptation of the original series about to wrap up production next month, you sound like you need a break! Do you have any plans in mind?”

Yuuri held up his right hand, the gold band on his finger glaring under the studio lights. He smiled sheepishly, “Well, I believe the paparazzi might have a hunch already.”

“Again, congratulations on all your success Mr. Katsuki and congratulations on your engagement!”

“Thank you so much.”

* * *

  _‘..and more celebrities tied the knot earlier this month with the wedding of bestselling author Yuuri Katsuki and his boyfriend Victor Nikiforov. No members of the media were allowed at the ceremony or the reception, but sources revealed it was a private affair with close family and friends. A week later, Katsuki’s PR manager Phichit Chulanont released this official wedding portrait of the couple during their first dance with the caption ‘At least they don't have two left feet!’. The ‘Star Insider’ team congratulates all of the newlyweds and wish them years of happiness and love and coming up later...’_

Victor turned down the TV, and looked over his shoulder, “I thought you let Phichit release the other photo!”

“I thought our first dance photo was cuter!” Yuuri yelled from the other room. He walked over to the living room and sat down next to Victor on the couch, “What’s wrong with that photo?”

“Yeah it’s cute, but clearly you can tell that-”

Yuuri rolled eyes and threw his head back on the cushion,“ Victor, for the thousandth time, your forehead is not that big.”

“Aha! You didn’t deny it was big!”

“Victor!”

Victor laughed and threw a throw pillow at Yuuri. In an instant, Yuuri grabbed the pillow that was behind him and pummeled Victor down. He shielded himself in vain from Yuuri’s wrath, and in a split second decision, he dove into his defenseless stomach, and his fingers attacked Yuuri’s stomach.

“Ah! V-Victor!” he squeaked. “T-This isn’t f-fair!” Yuuri squirmed under Victor’s relentless touch and cackled against his will. A smug smirk crossed Victor’s face, “See what happens when you leave your guard down?”

Yuuri’s face flushed from laughing so hard, “O-Oh, really?” He tangled his legs around Victor’s, and before Victor knew it, Yuuri flipped the both of them down to the rug in a laughing heap. He straddled Victor’s hips, and his fingers quickly tickled his sides.

“What was that about letting your guard down?” asked Yuuri as Victor roared with laughter and squirmed right under him. “Couldn’t hear you over the laughing,” he smirked.

Victor’s mouth opened and closed as if he was trying to form a coherent sentence, but his loud guffaws were the only thing he managed to get out. His trembling hands eventually found Yuuri’s wrists, and Victor gently pulled his hands away from his aching sides, and over his head. Their lips met in a soft kiss until Yuuri pulled away and rolled off Victor to his side. They laid like that, their laughter softly fading away, until they could hear nothing but the sound of their uneven breathing. Victor pulled Yuuri in close and pecked the top of his messy hair.

“I’m gonna get you back later, just you wait,” said Victor.

Yuuri scoffed, “Oh, I’m so scared! I’m practically shaking over here!”

Victor leaned in again and pressed his lips to Yuuri’s hairline, snuggling in close to each other. The past three weeks of their honeymoon had been magical, a never ending dream that neither of the wanted to wake up from. Paris was beautiful, but waking up to the sprawling cityscape paled compared to waking up tangled in each other’s arms. The afternoons they spent wandering the city, the nights curled up next to each other while some random French show played in the background. No professional responsibilities, no other cares in the world. Just the two of them together.

Yuuri’s eyes gazed at his hand resting on top of Victor’s chest, his resting on top of Yuuri’s. The late afternoon light caught on the gold ring resting on his finger, and it glistened beautifully. Yuuri sensed Victor’s stare, and he adjusted himself, so his ringed finger rested next to Yuuri’s.

“That day in Detroit felt so long ago,” murmured Victor quietly.

“Yeah,” replied Yuuri, his voice soft as he covered Victor’s hand with his own.

“Can you believe it’s been a year already?” Victor asked, smiling and kissing Yuuri’s temple.

“It hasn’t felt like a year passed. I feel like I’m just having one those super in-depth dreams that I used to have, and then I’ll wake up alone again in my bedroom.”

“It’s not a dream Yuuri, as amazing as it feels.”

“I know,” sighed Yuuri, the ends of his lips curling into a tiny smile. He kept his gaze on their clasped hands, and Yuuri’s thumb begins to lightly stroke Victor’s ring. “Do you think they're happy?”

“Who?”

“You know.”

Victor’s head made the connection to who Yuuri was referring to, and he began to stroke his hair. “Wherever they are, I hope they’re smiling,”

Yuuri closed his eyes to the touch, Victor’s fingers carding through his strands of hair. “Do ever wonder what'll happen to us? Are we going to reincarnate?”

The sudden change to seriousness in Yuuri’s tone caught Victor’s attention. “Where are all the questions coming from?”

“I kind of stayed up a bit more than I should have last night,” shrugged Yuuri, dismissive. “But seriously, do you think we will?” he pressed.

He watched Victor’s face scrunch in thought as he considered the question. After a while, he rested his chin on top of Yuuri’s head, and sighs,  “I'm not sure if that's something we get to decide Yuuri.”

But his answer did nothing to satisfy Yuuri, “What if it is?” He pulled his head out to look Victor in the eye and smiled. “Would you wanna go around again?”  

Victor laughed lightly at his husband’s persistence, and he cupped Yuuri’s cheek, his thumb softly stroking the soft skin under it, “Who wouldn’t with you? But where would we go?”

Yuuri took Victor’s hand off from his cheek and pressed a light kiss to his knuckles, “It doesn't matter when or where we’ll end up Victor. It could be seventy years later in Greenland, but I'll find you, and I'll fall in love with you all over again.”  

“Even for a thousand lifetimes?”

“It could be a million for all I care.”

Their lips met, and it was warm, gentle kiss. The kind of kiss that made Victor forget about the swirling doubt clouding his head. Because it was not like he never thought of this himself before. If he had the power to he would reincarnate with Yuuri over and over again until the end of time, but he didn’t. The fact of the matter was that neither would know until their times came, and the possibility of this lifetime being their final time pulled at Victor’s heartstrings. However as Yuuri pressed up against his body, Victor came to a firm understanding. Their future beyond this life was not guaranteed, but their present was. So long as he and Yuuri lived and loved together to the fullest of their capabilities for the remainder of their time in this world, he wouldn’t mind another time around with Yuuri. Or a couple thousand.

When Victor pulled away, he laughed nervously,  “So I guess since we’re in the deep talk mood, I was thinking,” He drew in a deep breath and sighed, “So about kids-”

“I was thinking four or five,” answered Yuuri automatically.

“Y-Yuuri!”

“Makkachin needs some brothers or sisters! We could have one of them be a cat, but that would require some tough negotiating.”

They both erupted into laughter and held each other closer on the hotel rug, neither one of them letting go.     

* * *

Seventy years later, a young man stalked up and down rows of gravestones. His rusty brown eyes scanned each grave he passed until he saw a lone figure standing in front of a grave in the distance. His eyes lit up, and he ran towards the figure, a huge grin plastered on his face, "Alexei!”

As he got closer, Alexei turned to his direction, and his steely blue eyes softened. He held his arms open, and they met in a tight embrace, Alexei spinning the young man around in his arms. “It’s good to see you again,” he murmured against the young man’s hair. Alexei pulled back, and he cupped his cheek lovingly, “I’ve missed you so much Mamoru.”

Mamoru smiled and covered Alexei’s hand with his own, bringing his attention back to the two graves in front of them, “So is this it?”

“Yeah, I’m a little disappointed. I told them I wanted the polished granite for our stones,” He sighed, “People just can’t take good notes anymore.”

Mamoru rolled his eyes affectionately and held up the two small bouquets in his other hand, “Here, I brought some flowers.”

They each took one placed them on the gravestones silently and after a while, Alexei spoke up, “You know it’s strange.”

Mamoru looked over to Alexei, “What is?”

“Having to look up to you. I’ve always been the taller one these past two times.” He wiggled his thin eyebrows and smirked, “So how do you like the weather up there?”

“You think you’re so hilarious.”

“But it’s true! Maybe next time we’ll be animals, and you’ll be a beautiful giraffe!”

Mamoru snorted, “You know one day I’ll find you as a child and teach you some manners.”

“How would we ever be together then?” pouted Alexei.

Mamoru brought a finger to his chin thoughtfully, “You could be the adoptive son of the man I fall madly in love with and get married inside a grand cathedral and-”

Alexei held onto Mamoru tightly, “You’re so mean Mamoru!” he cried and they both broke out in laughter, catching a few stares and glances from the other cemetery goers.

“Well, are we done here?” asked Mamoru after calming himself down.

“My new place is not too far from here,” replied Alexei. “I hope you aren’t staying in a hotel.”

Mamoru’s lips turned into an amused smile, “Why bother booking one if I have your room?”

A bright pink burned onto Alexei’s pale cheeks and Mamoru’s smile grew even wider. “You ready?” he asked as he held out his hand. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Of course,” said Mamoru as he took his hand into his own. “We have all the time in the world.” In joined hands, they walked away from the graves, neither sparing a backward glance.

And their journey of a thousand lifetimes began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Partiamo insieme, Ora sono pronto = Let's leave together, I'm ready now (via yoi wikia)
> 
> It's done now! Thank you so much to everyone for sticking around and reading! (:
> 
> Catch me on  tumblr! 

**Author's Note:**

> This idea sounded better in my head oh well lmaoo.
> 
> Also because I didn't add it into the actual fic, the name Hisashi Abe was my shitty attempt at play on the reincarnation thing. The kanji for Hisashi (永) meaning 'eternity' and Abe ( 安倍) meaning 'peace' and 'multiple times'. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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